Day 17- This is really, really, really real.

April 2, 2020

I don’t wake up in the mornings and then remember that things have changed.
It’s been more than two weeks.
I don’t cringe, and roll over and wish it was 20 days before yesterday.
I don’t immediately grab my phone, and check the news.
I don’t want to cry or scream.

I want coffee.
I stretch, talk to Sophie, wiggle my toes, and wonder where my slippers are.
I go upstairs, and scoop the dark roast, pour the water. I heat up oat milk, add coconut sugar, and pour the first cup while it’s still dripping.
I take noisy sips at the kitchen table and open the computer. I log into my work email, and check to see if anyone wants to have a zoom meeting, so I know I much time I have to stay rumpled.
I drink coffee and think about breakfast.

The world is really weird, but it seems that, mostly, during the morning I am still the same woman I’ve been for a while now.

But there are spaces between work emails, fitness videos, meal prep, and dog walks, where the worry creeps in.

I worry about the people who don’t have a voice, or have voices but don’t have a platform, or people to speak to. I worry about all of the people that aren’t on Facebook, and don’t have smart phones or people to call.

How weird is it that I said platform before people?

I worry about the people without coffee, or homes, who are sleeping in parking spaces.

Then my husband comes home from work, and he’s worried about bills.
My daughter comes downstairs, and she’s worried about her boyfriend’s birthday.

I make my husband spaghetti. His shoulders relax.

I make Katy do Zumba with me in front of the computer in our living room. She laughs when I try to twerk.

Every night, I allow myself one and a half glasses of wine, so that I can sleep without wondering about the people who slip in my thoughts, between everything else.

Tomorrow, I’m going to stop worrying, and find a way to help people in my corner of the world, whose problems are bigger than pasta or dance fit.

(Thank God mine are, for tonight, anyway.)

I have time.

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